Hi dear friends,
We are waiting on the Lord right now. When we went to Ethiopia, I was able to meet our first precious baby girl referral. She is beautiful, but not quite ready to be referred. I experienced a grieving of sorts, but only momentarily bc I know God has brought her into our lives for His purpose. I am trusting that God will-in His perfect timing-bring her into her forever family...
Which leaves us unsure of what path our family is going to take. We are truly trying to not make our own plans. For me that includes counting those baby girl clothes, that baby girl nursery as loss. I have to let them go. I have to let that baby girl go. Our desire is continually for God to be glorified, may it never be that I push my own agenda.
My heart is hurting so much bc I know the plan I have for my family...but I am trusting God to reveal his plan-which is so much better than I could ever imagine.
And so...We wait
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
I know you would love an update from my trip, I am just not there yet...
Until then, here are some guidelines I completely support- especially having just been in Ethiopia and experiencing the questioning looks and honestly commiting my own blunders...
Joint Council Policy Recommendation
Cultural Sensitivity Regarding Adoptions in Ethiopia
http://www.jcics.org/Ethiopia.htm
Every adoption is like a rollercoaster for the adoptive parents. There are always obstacles
to overcome and hoops to jump through. But in every adoption there are also many highs.
For most adoptive parents the biggest high is finally being able to travel, meet the child
whose photo you fell in love with long ago, and holding them in your arms. It is the
moment that every adoptive parent longs for and dreams of. Adoptive parents want to
spend every moment with their new child, learning every little piece of their personality
and spirit. Adoptive parents want to show their new child(ren) everything that the world
has to offer them. This being said sometimes it is necessary for an adoptive family to be
respectful of a country's local culture and hold off these magical moments for a few days.
Joint Council feels that this is the case in Ethiopia.
Very often adoptive families stay at an international, national or local hotel in Addis
Ababa. And fulfilling their long held desires, families often bring their newly adopted child
to the hotel during their stay in Ethiopia.. Many times the adoptive family also goes
shopping or sightseeing in Addis Ababa or another local city or village.
This overriding desire, which is very normal and certainly understandable, often results in
unintended cultural insensitivity to the Ethiopian government and citizens. With over
3,000 adoptions expected in Ethiopia this year, hotels and other common gathering places
such as shopping areas often see relatively large numbers of families with their newly
adopted Ethiopian child.
Given that the vast majority of American and European families adopting from Ethiopia are
Caucasian or other non-black, the adoptive families and their Ethiopian child are easily
distinguished and are often a point of curiosity among Ethiopian citizens. Understandably,
due to misconceptions about adoption some Ethiopian citizens even look upon American
and European adoptive families with suspicion. Cultural differences in parenting and child
behavior are contributing to this suspicion.
The large number of adoptive families combined with the curiosity and suspicions of
Ethiopian citizens and with cultural differences in parenting and child behavior, is
unfortunately causing unintended yet very significant concerns among some Ethiopian
citizens and the government. Subsequently these unintended consequences are weakening
the work and services being provided in order to ensure permanent families for the
children of Ethiopia. Without exaggeration, this may lead to the elimination of intercountry
adoption as an option for ensuring that every Ethiopian child has a safe, permanent and
loving family.
During Joint Council's trips to Ethiopia in June and July, concerns regarding the large
numbers of adoptive families, including the Ethiopian child, staying at hotels and traveling
throughout the city were expressed repeatedly by the Ethiopian government. Significant
numbers of Ethiopian citizens have contacted the government with questions and more
significantly with complaints.
During a Joint Council presentation to adoption service providers from the United States,
Italy and France, Joint Council addressed the very important issue of cultural sensitivities.
All adoption service providers were strongly urged to refrain from utilizing hotels and
restricting in-city travel for adoptive families. Supporting Joint Council's recommendation
was the Network (a large association of adoption service providers in Ethiopia).
Most adoption service providers that recognized the issue of cultural sensitivity are
following the recommendation. In fact some have instituted cultural sensitivity policies
regarding lodging and in-city travel prior to the Joint Council recommendation. For
example, increasing numbers of adoption service providers have established private
guesthouses for adoptive families. Unfortunately not all adoption service providers have
chosen to be proactive and implement cultural sensitivity policies. Just as unfortunately,
many adoptive parents are insisting on staying at hotels and going shopping in Addis
Ababa despite repeated requests from their adoption service provider, reputable advocates
such as the Network and the Ethiopian government.
It is essential that adoptive parents and adoption service providers demonstrate respect
for the country in which they are respectively adopting and working. Without
demonstrating respect for the country and its people, the adoptive family is in turn
disregarding the culture of their child(ren). Similarly the adoption service provider is
disrespecting the children they seek to serve.
It is for these reasons and more that we urge adoption service providers to encourage
adoptive parent to please refrain from staying in hotels and venturing out in public with
their newly adoptive children. With respectful deference to cultural sensitivities in Ethiopia,
to the Government of Ethiopia, and to the people of Ethiopia, Joint Council strongly urges
all adoption service providers to immediately implement policies which incorporate the
following principles. Adoptive parents are similarly requested to respect their child(ren),
their birth country and culture and abide by the following principles and the policies of
their adoption service provider.
Cultural Sensitivity Principles and Guidelines
Principles
1. All due care must be given to demonstrate cultural sensitivities towards the country,
people and government of Ethiopia
2. Full recognition of the questions, concerns, curiosities and suspicions must be given to
the Government of Ethiopia and its citizens
3. It is recognized that adopting an Ethiopian child is a `privilege of giving' bestowed by
the citizens and government of Ethiopia
4. It is recognized that every Ethiopian child has a right to a family - every family does not
have an inherent right to an Ethiopian child
5. Actions and behaviors which may not appear to be offensive to U.S. adoptive parents,
may in fact be extremely offensive to Ethiopian society
6. Actions and behaviors seen as culturally insensitive damage the institution of
intercountry adoption and thereby limit opportunities for children in need to find a family
7. Actions and behaviors seen as culturally insensitive significantly contribute to the
possible elimination of intercountry adoption in Ethiopia and thereby eliminate the right of
every Ethiopian child to a safe, permanent and loving family
Guidelines
1. Adoption service providers will incorporate these principles and guidelines into their
contractual or policy relationships with potential adoptive families
2. Adoption service providers will disclose the contractual or policy limitations related to
cultural sensitivities to all prospective adoptive parents prior to approving an application
from the prospective adoptive parents
3. Prior to taking custody of their adopted Ethiopian child, adoptive families may reside in
a hotel during their stay
a. It is recommended that adoptive families utilize Ethiopian Guest Houses or a lodging
facility operated by an adoption service provider during their entire stay in Ethiopia
b. Adoptive families who have not taken full custody of their adopted Ethiopian child may
choose to utilize a hotel
i. In such cases the adoptive parents may visit their adopted Ethiopian child daily at the
child care center
4. Upon taking custody of their adopted Ethiopian child, adoptive families will utilize
Ethiopian Guest Houses or a lodging facility operated by an adoption service provider
5. Adoptive families will refrain from in-country travel with their adopted Ethiopian child
a. Exceptions to this guideline (#5) are limited to
i. The visa appointment at the U.S. Embassy
ii. Other adoption related events
iii. An emergency situation
6. Adoptive families will refrain from pressuring their adoption service provider or in-
country staff to violate these principles, guidelines and/or agency polices representing
these principles and guidelines
Until then, here are some guidelines I completely support- especially having just been in Ethiopia and experiencing the questioning looks and honestly commiting my own blunders...
Joint Council Policy Recommendation
Cultural Sensitivity Regarding Adoptions in Ethiopia
http://www.jcics.org/Ethiopia.htm
Every adoption is like a rollercoaster for the adoptive parents. There are always obstacles
to overcome and hoops to jump through. But in every adoption there are also many highs.
For most adoptive parents the biggest high is finally being able to travel, meet the child
whose photo you fell in love with long ago, and holding them in your arms. It is the
moment that every adoptive parent longs for and dreams of. Adoptive parents want to
spend every moment with their new child, learning every little piece of their personality
and spirit. Adoptive parents want to show their new child(ren) everything that the world
has to offer them. This being said sometimes it is necessary for an adoptive family to be
respectful of a country's local culture and hold off these magical moments for a few days.
Joint Council feels that this is the case in Ethiopia.
Very often adoptive families stay at an international, national or local hotel in Addis
Ababa. And fulfilling their long held desires, families often bring their newly adopted child
to the hotel during their stay in Ethiopia.. Many times the adoptive family also goes
shopping or sightseeing in Addis Ababa or another local city or village.
This overriding desire, which is very normal and certainly understandable, often results in
unintended cultural insensitivity to the Ethiopian government and citizens. With over
3,000 adoptions expected in Ethiopia this year, hotels and other common gathering places
such as shopping areas often see relatively large numbers of families with their newly
adopted Ethiopian child.
Given that the vast majority of American and European families adopting from Ethiopia are
Caucasian or other non-black, the adoptive families and their Ethiopian child are easily
distinguished and are often a point of curiosity among Ethiopian citizens. Understandably,
due to misconceptions about adoption some Ethiopian citizens even look upon American
and European adoptive families with suspicion. Cultural differences in parenting and child
behavior are contributing to this suspicion.
The large number of adoptive families combined with the curiosity and suspicions of
Ethiopian citizens and with cultural differences in parenting and child behavior, is
unfortunately causing unintended yet very significant concerns among some Ethiopian
citizens and the government. Subsequently these unintended consequences are weakening
the work and services being provided in order to ensure permanent families for the
children of Ethiopia. Without exaggeration, this may lead to the elimination of intercountry
adoption as an option for ensuring that every Ethiopian child has a safe, permanent and
loving family.
During Joint Council's trips to Ethiopia in June and July, concerns regarding the large
numbers of adoptive families, including the Ethiopian child, staying at hotels and traveling
throughout the city were expressed repeatedly by the Ethiopian government. Significant
numbers of Ethiopian citizens have contacted the government with questions and more
significantly with complaints.
During a Joint Council presentation to adoption service providers from the United States,
Italy and France, Joint Council addressed the very important issue of cultural sensitivities.
All adoption service providers were strongly urged to refrain from utilizing hotels and
restricting in-city travel for adoptive families. Supporting Joint Council's recommendation
was the Network (a large association of adoption service providers in Ethiopia).
Most adoption service providers that recognized the issue of cultural sensitivity are
following the recommendation. In fact some have instituted cultural sensitivity policies
regarding lodging and in-city travel prior to the Joint Council recommendation. For
example, increasing numbers of adoption service providers have established private
guesthouses for adoptive families. Unfortunately not all adoption service providers have
chosen to be proactive and implement cultural sensitivity policies. Just as unfortunately,
many adoptive parents are insisting on staying at hotels and going shopping in Addis
Ababa despite repeated requests from their adoption service provider, reputable advocates
such as the Network and the Ethiopian government.
It is essential that adoptive parents and adoption service providers demonstrate respect
for the country in which they are respectively adopting and working. Without
demonstrating respect for the country and its people, the adoptive family is in turn
disregarding the culture of their child(ren). Similarly the adoption service provider is
disrespecting the children they seek to serve.
It is for these reasons and more that we urge adoption service providers to encourage
adoptive parent to please refrain from staying in hotels and venturing out in public with
their newly adoptive children. With respectful deference to cultural sensitivities in Ethiopia,
to the Government of Ethiopia, and to the people of Ethiopia, Joint Council strongly urges
all adoption service providers to immediately implement policies which incorporate the
following principles. Adoptive parents are similarly requested to respect their child(ren),
their birth country and culture and abide by the following principles and the policies of
their adoption service provider.
Cultural Sensitivity Principles and Guidelines
Principles
1. All due care must be given to demonstrate cultural sensitivities towards the country,
people and government of Ethiopia
2. Full recognition of the questions, concerns, curiosities and suspicions must be given to
the Government of Ethiopia and its citizens
3. It is recognized that adopting an Ethiopian child is a `privilege of giving' bestowed by
the citizens and government of Ethiopia
4. It is recognized that every Ethiopian child has a right to a family - every family does not
have an inherent right to an Ethiopian child
5. Actions and behaviors which may not appear to be offensive to U.S. adoptive parents,
may in fact be extremely offensive to Ethiopian society
6. Actions and behaviors seen as culturally insensitive damage the institution of
intercountry adoption and thereby limit opportunities for children in need to find a family
7. Actions and behaviors seen as culturally insensitive significantly contribute to the
possible elimination of intercountry adoption in Ethiopia and thereby eliminate the right of
every Ethiopian child to a safe, permanent and loving family
Guidelines
1. Adoption service providers will incorporate these principles and guidelines into their
contractual or policy relationships with potential adoptive families
2. Adoption service providers will disclose the contractual or policy limitations related to
cultural sensitivities to all prospective adoptive parents prior to approving an application
from the prospective adoptive parents
3. Prior to taking custody of their adopted Ethiopian child, adoptive families may reside in
a hotel during their stay
a. It is recommended that adoptive families utilize Ethiopian Guest Houses or a lodging
facility operated by an adoption service provider during their entire stay in Ethiopia
b. Adoptive families who have not taken full custody of their adopted Ethiopian child may
choose to utilize a hotel
i. In such cases the adoptive parents may visit their adopted Ethiopian child daily at the
child care center
4. Upon taking custody of their adopted Ethiopian child, adoptive families will utilize
Ethiopian Guest Houses or a lodging facility operated by an adoption service provider
5. Adoptive families will refrain from in-country travel with their adopted Ethiopian child
a. Exceptions to this guideline (#5) are limited to
i. The visa appointment at the U.S. Embassy
ii. Other adoption related events
iii. An emergency situation
6. Adoptive families will refrain from pressuring their adoption service provider or in-
country staff to violate these principles, guidelines and/or agency polices representing
these principles and guidelines
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The nusery...
I know...So many options. (Yes, I should be packing, but JH is alseep and dreaming of my daughter's nursery is soo much fun!!!) We are really up in the air about what we want to do in there. Tell me what you think of these linens. Actually, not ALL of what you think. Theese are all top contestants, so just tell me if you LIKE them. :)
Monday, October 6, 2008
Leaving on a Jet Plane... (shout out to Ashley-remember the days?)
I am the worst blogger ever. Here is what I have been up to:
heading to Ethiopia on SATURDAY!!! We will spend the first week in Mekale (north). This will be another flight after we get into Addis. The second week will be spent half with Elia in Nazaret (just south of Addis) and the other half in Addis being a "tourist".
While there God willing we will: set up HIV care homes, set up a medical clinic, put on a carnival for the kids, and love on people and listen to their stories.
Everyone says I will have the hardest time leaving Elia. I have been reflecting on God bringing her into our life. Last year was a time of struggle and trial and clinging to God without knowing which way our life was headed at all. That being said...These past two months have been a time of harvesting and seeing the seeds God has planted in us beginning to bloom. I am overwhelmed by God's Sovereignty and Goodness. I long to have my baby in my arms here at home, but only in God's perfect timing. This is not at all about "our story"-This is where we fit in to glorify God in the best way possible. I take it as a huge gift that I will be able to hold Elia at two months. And I trust God to use her to glorify Him (as is my #1 prayer for both children) in Africa. I am so eager to see her birth country and meet her caretakers. I am also so thankful God is in control. We all know if I had my way we would have brought home the first child that entered our path (so many children ago!) God has protected us and blessed us greatly and we continue to trust Him...
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