Egypt

I felt it Walking down the stairs today. Out of nowhere- it just hit me in the stomach. The lady in front of me had 3 bracelets. They were each super precious and different colors. And I felt such a pang of envy, of what might have been. I chose to consciously thank God for my one bracelet. MY precious bracelet they gave me when I left John Harvey upstairs playing in the nursery. It is never hard to thank God for John Harvey, we love him so. Always, it takes faith to thank God for our lost babies.

July is coming full circle again. Last July we lost our precious baby and our fourth was due this coming July. Is it possible to dread a whole month?

We are studying Joseph in Precepts now. As we read, he was just thrown in jail for being falsely accused by Potiphar's wife. What a story. He was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers! And now is in jail to boot. I am wondering how he pictured his life. I know the story. I know he will sit in jail for two years while God orchestrates events to coincide so that he may interpret the Pharoah's dream, be given a place of honor, and save his people from famine.
But wait, is that the story? Are those two years lost? wasted? Is all of Joseph's life just a series of events leading up to the big picture?
Our God is sovereign. He could have played this out in any way possible. But, He was exact in all of this. He orchestrated each day of Joseph's life. Joseph clearly felt love. I have yet to hear a bitter comment from him. "The Lord was with Him" and that made all the difference.
I praise God for this Journey. And I know I live such an easy life compared to so many (picture me imagining Africa as I write). My sadness is momentary, I have Ben, and in His grace-John Harvey. I have been given much.
And yet, I still on occasion look back. I want to do it my own way. I want 3 bracelets, I don't want to go to Egypt. This is not how I picture my life. Yet here I am. Trusting, believing. Praising God for redeeming my life. Each day. Every morning in July, I will awake with Thanksgiving. I will chose to trust God's plan. I will know that I am not a series of events he has to orchestrate perfectly to fufill His goal. I am His daughter, He died for me. He lives.